good news

So for the past 3 weeks, I've done nothing but wait. Wait for the result of a job interview, that is. And after what seemed like forever, the good news finally arrived last Wednesday. I got the job!!! I officially start on December 13!!! I am so excited!!! Yay!!! I feel like throwing !!! in every sentence!!!

I'll be unofficially coming in to work for some training (started today!) so that when I officially start on the 13th, I'll hit the ground running. I am so happy and ecstatic and excited to get back to the grind. I am looking forward to dive right into a pile of work and knock everyone's socks off.

So that's the good news.

In other news, D and I had an awesome time at the Ploenchit Fair last Saturday. We had lots of fish n chips (we stood in line for 45 mins to get them!), Guiness pints, Pimms, and Prosecco with friends, old and new. So much fun!

Anyway, here's a bunch of unflattering candid pics of me taken by my sneaky hubby-to-be.

 

Hmmm Carlsberg... I hear it's making a comeback in Thailand.

2 things

...I want to live by for the rest of my life.

One. You will be happy if you become a blessing to others.

Two. Gratitude is one of the great blessings of life.

yes again and again

D has been proposing to me ever since I moved in with him. Usually, I would answer with a coy smile or a "let's play it by ear" type of reply. It was not until we celebrated our first year anniversary that I finally gave a definitive answer.

I didn't think he had anything planned that day. He just told me to meet up with him at Siam Paragon for dinner. But little did I know, this remarkably clever man had something up his sleeve. Once at the meeting point, he gave me his first surprise. A Fuji Instax 200 camera. The one I've been eyeing on for months. I was beaming. Then it was on to the next surprise. Sunset cocktails at Sirocco Sky Bar. We sipped our ice cold mojitos while enjoying a 360-view of Bangkok. Slightly buzzed and on a high over these lovely surprises, we then headed to the third and last surprise of the night. A romantic candlelit dinner for two at Arun Residence.

It was beautiful. We went home that night feeling extremely lucky to have found each other.

Back home, we settled in our bed with laptops in tow. Both of us were glued to our laptop screens. Then moments later, I felt his gaze fixed at me. I looked at him to see what was wrong. As I turned to him, he exclaimed, "Marry me!" It caught me by surprise but it didn't stop me from answering with a resounding "Yes!"

And that was that. D and I got engaged in our bed, without a ring, and with only the words Marry Me and Yes.

Months passed. There was still no ring. I didn't mind. Ring or no ring, I plan to spend the rest of my life with this man. Ring or no ring, the answer will always be YES.

Until a trip to Chinatown. I chanced upon cocktail rings sold in boxes by the side street. I spotted a beautiful turquoise one and I instantly knew I had to get it. D saw how much I wanted the ring and so he offered to buy it for me. For 2 for 100 baht, he got me two. He took the turquoise ring and asked for my hand. He slipped it on my finger and again, asked me to marry him, right in the middle of Samphaeng market. Of course, I said yes.

Since then, I've been proudly wearing this gargantuan turquoise ring on my left ring finger.

Until one day, D suggested we look at wedding rings. Take note: wedding ring not engagement ring. I was perfectly happy with that. We set out that day to look at wedding bands. But somehow we ended up with a beautiful sapphire engagement ring instead.

The ring had to be resized and we wanted one in white gold so we couldn't take it home that day. We had to come back weeks later. So last Saturday, after what seemed like a long wait, D and I went back to the jewelry shop, picked up my engagement ring, and once again, he asked me to marry him.

Naturally, I said yes. Again. 

these days

I am in love with our spanking new kitchen shelves! They were installed earlier today and right after the technician left, I was like a kid on Christmas morning. I was quick to put all our plates, bowls, glasses and cups on them, meticulously lining them up like soldiers ready for battle. And once it was all in place, I stood in front of it for a good 5 minutes just staring at it like a proud momma. I was tempted to give myself a pat on the back but thought that's just weird.

Shelves. I'm excited over shelves. Such is my life these days. I get excited over the smallest things. I guess that's what happens when you don't have anything else going on. Yes, you read it right. I don't have anything else going on.

You see, I recently (finally) quit my job. After much deliberation, I thought it was time to move on. Somehow, it felt like a heavy load was lifted off my shoulders. No more stressing on whether or not I'll get paid on time or if the company will still be alive next month. I find this newly claimed freedom liberating and unfortunately, short-lived. Because as the days go by, the anxiety over when I'll get a new job grows steadily.

That elusive new job proves to be, well, elusive. Over the past few months, I've had a lot almost but not quite's. I get invited in for an interview. Interview goes very well. So well, in fact, I am convinced I've got this in the bag. And yet, the universe manages to piss all over me and show me that I am not the shiznit that I think I am and for reasons that are beyond me, I don't get the job. We can't get you a work permit. Upper management has decided to do some internal restructuring instead. We prefer a native English speaker. Yada, yada, yada.

I don't want to be such a negative Nancy. But it's frustrating to get a great opportunity that you know can turn your life around and then watch it slip between your fingers. I've had one too many of those lately and I'm starting to think that maybe it's not a matter of when I'll get a job but rather if I'll ever get one.  

I don't want to dwell on that thought so much because I know I can get job, dammit. I'm mad at myself for doubting myself sometimes. You'd think, after making it on my own 3 years ago in a place I've never been, a place where I don't know anyone, you'd think I'd have enough confidence in what I am capable of. I look in the mirror sometimes and try to find that girl. That girl who set out on her own and proved everyone wrong.

I still have her in me. I know she's in there somewhere. She's just had one too many blows to her ego lately that she's gone hiding.

But she'll resurface, one way or another. She always does. And when she comes out of hiding, she'll knock your socks off, charm her way to your heart, and nail that ever-so elusive job.

do you want kids?

...is the follow up question to "Will you have kids right away?" Now a familiar inquiry after people find out D and I are getting married.

If you ask my grandmother, she would say: Of course they should! She is thrilled with the idea of having grand kids that will have pointy noses and blonde hair so she prods me to bear half breeds soon. Actually, more like right now.

I'm sure my mother shares the same sentiment. She's just trying to keep all her enthusiasm under wraps.

Do we want kids? Hmm. D and I have talked about it and I'm happy to know that we are on the same page on the matter. We are both pedo-phobic. In short, kids terrify us.

I came to this conclusion when a friend brought her 4-month old baby to a small get-together at our apartment. Naturally, upon seeing his irresistibly pinch-worthy chubby cheeks, the other guests swarmed him and started making googly eyes with the kid. Understandably so, the kid started to cry. And cry. And cry until there were no more tears. But that didn't stop him. He continued on with wailing. Lots of it.

My mind started racing and somehow zoomed in on the fact that a baby is wailing his heart out in my apartment and I don't know how to make him stop. His mom doesn't know how to make him stop. So just like any sane adult, I went to the balcony and chain smoked to cope with the stress. After what seemed like forever, he eventually got tired and fell asleep.

And that's when it dawned on me. I can't have kids because I can't deal with situations like this. I don't know how to deal with situations like this.

Motherhood is such a daunting task. Raising a kid is one hell of a responsibility that I, nor D, take lightly. We both agreed that we won't have kids until we both figure our lives out. And by figure our lives out, we mean until we're ready - financially, emotionally, and psychologically ready to have kids.

And personally, I've always viewed motherhood as a calling. Just because you have the right equipment to bear children doesn't mean you should. If you have the irrepressible need to have children, go right ahead. But if you're totally content with the life you lead without kids in them, that's cool too.

So at this point in time, I think I would have to pass. But who knows? Somewhere along the way D and I might just want a little version of ourselves running around wreaking havoc or spreading a ray of sunshine to everyone the little one meets.