...is the follow up question to "Will you have kids right away?" Now a familiar inquiry after people find out D and I are getting married.
If you ask my grandmother, she would say: Of course they should! She is thrilled with the idea of having grand kids that will have pointy noses and blonde hair so she prods me to bear half breeds soon. Actually, more like right now.
I'm sure my mother shares the same sentiment. She's just trying to keep all her enthusiasm under wraps.
Do we want kids? Hmm. D and I have talked about it and I'm happy to know that we are on the same page on the matter. We are both pedo-phobic. In short, kids terrify us.
I came to this conclusion when a friend brought her 4-month old baby to a small get-together at our apartment. Naturally, upon seeing his irresistibly pinch-worthy chubby cheeks, the other guests swarmed him and started making googly eyes with the kid. Understandably so, the kid started to cry. And cry. And cry until there were no more tears. But that didn't stop him. He continued on with wailing. Lots of it.
My mind started racing and somehow zoomed in on the fact that a baby is wailing his heart out in my apartment and I don't know how to make him stop. His mom doesn't know how to make him stop. So just like any sane adult, I went to the balcony and chain smoked to cope with the stress. After what seemed like forever, he eventually got tired and fell asleep.
And that's when it dawned on me. I can't have kids because I can't deal with situations like this. I don't know how to deal with situations like this.
Motherhood is such a daunting task. Raising a kid is one hell of a responsibility that I, nor D, take lightly. We both agreed that we won't have kids until we both figure our lives out. And by figure our lives out, we mean until we're ready - financially, emotionally, and psychologically ready to have kids.
And personally, I've always viewed motherhood as a calling. Just because you have the right equipment to bear children doesn't mean you should. If you have the irrepressible need to have children, go right ahead. But if you're totally content with the life you lead without kids in them, that's cool too.
So at this point in time, I think I would have to pass. But who knows? Somewhere along the way D and I might just want a little version of ourselves running around wreaking havoc or spreading a ray of sunshine to everyone the little one meets.
